Questions like "Any good news?" and advice from relatives can be hard to hear when you are trying to conceive. You decide what to share and with whom. A few ready answers, clear boundaries and a united front as a couple can make family time easier.
Why it hurts, even when people mean well
In many Indian families, a baby soon after marriage is expected and openly discussed. Parents, in-laws, aunts and neighbours may ask "Any good news?" at every visit. Most of them care about you. But when you are trying and it hasn't happened yet, these questions can feel painful, intrusive or even shaming.
It is normal to feel hurt, angry, embarrassed or tired of it all. You can love your family and still find their questions hard. Your feelings are valid. The questions can sting just as much when you already have a child and a second pregnancy isn't happening; our guide to secondary infertility explains why that can happen.
Good to know. Difficulty conceiving is common, and it involves both partners. The World Health Organization notes that infertility can be due to factors in the man, the woman, or both, and often the cause is not found.
When the blame falls on one person
Women are often blamed when a pregnancy doesn't happen, sometimes openly, sometimes through hints and comments. This is unfair and not supported by medical facts. Male factors are involved in many couples' difficulty conceiving, and a semen analysis is a simple, standard part of a first evaluation.
No one is "at fault" for a medical difficulty. Age, weight or past choices are not reasons for blame either. If someone in the family is placing blame, it can help for your partner to step in and say clearly that this is something you are facing together.
Deciding what to share
There is no right amount to share. Some couples find it a relief to tell close family. Others prefer to keep things private until they have news. You can also share different amounts with different people.
Questions to talk through together:
- Who, if anyone, do we want to know that we are seeing a doctor?
- Will we share test results or treatment plans, or keep those between us?
- Who will answer if a relative asks one of us directly?
- What will we say if someone shares our news without asking?
You can change your mind at any time. Sharing later is always possible; un-sharing is not.
Ready answers for common questions
Having a short answer ready means you don't have to think on the spot. Choose ones that feel natural to you.
| If someone says... | You could say... |
|---|---|
| "Any good news?" | "We'll tell you when there's news." |
| "Don't wait too long." | "We're taking care of it, thank you." |
| "Is something wrong?" | "That's private, but we're fine." |
| "You should see this doctor / try this." | "Thanks, we're already getting advice." |
| "It's been so long now." | "We'd rather not talk about it today." |
It is fine to change the subject, step out of the room, or leave an event early. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
Pressure to try remedies
Relatives may suggest special diets, rituals, pujas, or products and treatments from people outside medical practice. Often this comes from love and worry.
Faith and family traditions can be a real source of comfort, and that is your choice. But be cautious about any product or treatment that promises a pregnancy or claims to fix infertility, and avoid taking anything without telling your doctor. Some products can interact with medicines or be unsafe in early pregnancy. A polite "We're following our doctor's advice" is enough.
Supporting each other as a couple
Family pressure can come between partners, especially when it comes from one partner's side. Our guide to supporting a partner has more ideas. It can help to:
- agree that each of you speaks to your own family when there is a problem
- check in with each other after family visits
- avoid blaming each other for what relatives say
- keep some time together that has nothing to do with having a baby
If you are single, or in a same-sex relationship, family questions may feel different again. The same right to privacy and boundaries applies to you.
When to see a doctor
If you have been trying for a while, seeing a doctor together can replace guesswork with facts, and give you something clear to say to family if you want to. Our specialist checker can help you think about who to see.
If family pressure is affecting your sleep, mood, relationship or daily life, consider talking to a counsellor or your doctor. For free, confidential mental-health support, call Tele-MANAS on 14416 or 1-800-891-4416 (24x7). If you are being harmed at home, or have thoughts of harming yourself, call 112 or go to the nearest hospital straight away.
Sources
This is general information, not medical advice. It can't account for your history. Please talk to a doctor about your own situation. Medical disclaimer
Severe pain, heavy bleeding or fainting? Call 112 or go to the nearest hospital.